We’re just friends

An attempt at understanding friendzone.

2 min read    16 Feb 2018    

I’m a fan of Anne Marie. So naturally when her new song “Friends” dropped in, chances were pretty high I was going to like it. Having heard the song on Spotify first, and then on youtube brought in a surprise.

The title was mildly shocking for me.



The song describes how a girl who considered a certain dude her friend, while the guy is hopelessly in love with her, and does not take no for an answer. My first reaction was “Why’s she being a bother, shouldn’t she just go out with him?”. That was so wrong. But why was my first impression like that all? Let’s find out. [I’m only writing in first person to make it relatable and less abstract]

You might remember this news piece from 3 years ago, where an Indian man convicted of stalking in Australia was announced innocent, because that’s what Bollywood taught him. Read more here.


Countles Bollywood movies show some handsome guy falling hopelessly in love with some girl, who is unaccessible to him / rejects him / even worse, is engaged / married.




Source1 Source2 Source3

Shahrukh Khan has been crowned as the King of Romance. Has romance been reduced to stalking in the modern times, meanwhile normalizing casual sexism?

But what causes men to imprint (from Twilight series) / fixated on certain women, to the point they are not satisfied with their company, but need a romantic relationship to continue their time together? The root seems not restricted to a certain region, but applies globally.

I urge you to watch this clip from standup comedian Kenny Sebastian to get some context for what’s about to come.

Men rarely confine their inner thoughts / emotions when in company of other men. Women are great listeners, and so often when a man is alone with a woman, they tend to share things that matter the most to them, and they feel cared for. One thing they do not realise is the bond they have with a woman, can be repeated with some other women, and thus feel a special bond with their lady friends. This gives a false impression that she’s falling for him, and therein the trouble begins. Women tend to share their emotions with other women, hence they’re not boxed up with emotions, however with men it’s quite the opposite.

The dialogue Ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte (A guy and a girl can never be friends) makes so much sense now. Because the guy is usually closeted about emotional stuff that the company of a woman makes him feel she’s the only one who’ll listen to what he has to say, even though that might not be the case.

The last part of this article comes from a bunch of youtube videos and articles I’ve read, but don’t seem to recall. I just wanted to put in 3 different ideas into one to try making sense of something I don’t understand. Hope this helps you in any way.

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